The Gym Membership
by tortgirl
Summary: What happens when Emmett gets tricked into joining a gym? Rosalie becomes an areobics instuctor, Jasper and Emmett pretend to be gay, And crazy people hit on the Cullens.
1. Chapter 1

**The Gym: Boys club**

**Summary: Emmett gets tricked into joining a gym.**

Edward: Emmett! 

Carlisle: Emmett?

Jasper: Why did you join a gym?

Emmett: I was bewitched and tricked, please believe me.

Jasper: Joining a gym is completly redundent, we don't need it.

Emmett: I know, but why not go, I mean we could show off and bond.

Carlisle: That wouldn't be right, we could expose ourselves. 

Emmett: Could not, come on let's go.

All: Fine.

**They got ready and went to the gym.  
**

Jasper: Wow, this place is nice. 

Carlisle: Well, I would like to take a weight class for no reason. 

Edward: I'll go to.

**They went.**

Emmett: What do you want to do? 

Jasper: I don't know.

What do you want to do?

Emmett: Wanna do yoga? 

Jasper: Okay. 

**They went to class.**

Instructor: Hello, my name is Wendy, and I will be your instructor of yoga. 

Emmett: Hi Wendy.

Wendy: Hello.

Emmett: I'm Emmett, and this is my brother Jasper. 

Jasper: Hi. 

Wendy: Hi.  
Well, take a mat and sit with your legs crossed. 

_(They did)_

_  
_**Five minutes later.**

Emmett: I gotta do what? 

Wendy: The king pidgeon pose.

Jasper: I can't do that with my body.

**After the class.**

**  
**Emmett: Wow, that was so weird.

Jasper: Yeah, very. 

Edward: Hey, what did you guys do? 

Emmett: Yoga.

Edward: Really?  
Wow. How was it? 

Jasper: Weird.

Carlisle: Do you want to take a spin class? 

All: Sure.

_Random lady's thoughts: Wow, look at those hunks.  
Man, I'd like a piece of that._

_ooh, I like the blond ones, or the pretty one with reddish hair,_

_Or the big one.  
Oh I'll take them all.  
I'm not leaving here wihout giving at least one of them my number._

Edward: Uh oh, crazy lady upon us, put your wedding rings on. 

Emmett: Which one?  
_  
_Edward: Does it matter?

Emmett: No.

_  
(At the same time they put their wedding rings on)_

Edward: You guys are lucky, I'm not married yet.

Emmett: They should have engagement rings for guys. 

Edward: That's stupid.

Why would a guy waer a wedding ring? 

Emmett: I don't know.

R.L.: Hello there.

Carlisle: Sorry married. 

R.L.: Oh. 

_(She looked hoprfully at the others)_

_(Each guy pointed at their ring)_

_Random lady's thoughts: Damn, all married._

_Except the young one.  
Please be over eighteen._

Edward: I'm sixteen and have a girlfriend.

_Random lady's thoughts: Double damn._

Edward: Next time we come here, we are bringing the girls.

Emmett: Next time?

Edward: We do have the membership.

Emmett: Yay!

**Okay I hope you enjoyed my new fic please review if you want more.**


	2. Canadians?

**The Gym membership: Canadian?**

Bella: Why are we going to a gym?

Esme: I don't know.

Alice: Emmett joined a gym.

Esme: Why?

Alice: Cause he's Emmett.

Bella and Esme: Ohh.

Carlisle: Come girls, let's go.

_(Rosalie comes down stairs in a reveling juicy couture jump suit)_

Carlisle: What are you wearing?

Rosalie: My gym clothes.

Carlisle: Did Emmett tell you what happened to us when we went?

Rosalie: He told me exactly what happened.

Carlisle: Just get in the car.

Alice: Are you sure this is a good idea? 

Carlisle: yes Alice, I am positive, it will be just fine as long as we don't show off too much.

Alice: Tell that to Rosalie.

Bella: Come on, let's get this over with.

**They arrived at the gym.**

Bella: Wow, this is nice. 

_Random woman's thoughts: Damn he's fine; I'd like a piece of that._

_(Edward kisses Bella passionately)_

Bella: Wow.

What was that for?

Edward: No reason.

_R.W.T.: Aw damn._

Carlisle: Esme and I are going to take couples yoga.

Emmett: Sweet, come on Jasper let's go take couples yoga.

Jasper: No.

Emmett: Why?

Jasper: Because we are not a couple.

Emmett: We could pretend to be one, so crazy ladies won't hit on us.

_(Jasper looked at him for a second)_

Jasper: Fine.

Emmett: Yay!

Alice: Jasper!

Jasper: Sorry Alice.

_(Emmett grabbed Jaspers hand and started running to the yoga room)_

Bella: That is not right.

Alice: No.

Rosalie: I'm going to take aerobics, come on Bella take it with me.

_(Rosalie took Bella's hand and went to the aerobics room)_

Alice: What do you want to do?

Edward: I'm going to hit that punching bag with as little strength as possible.

Alice: I'm going to run really slow on that treadmill.

Edward: Meet back here in a half hour?

Alice: Sure.

**Back with Rosalie and Bella.**

Bella: I'm surprised you asked me to take aerobics with you.

Rosalie: I decided we needed to bond.

Bella: Really?

Rosalie: No I just wanted someone who wouldn't distract the guys.

Emmett and I have a bet.

Bella: But he's pretending to be gay.

Rosalie: Exactly.

Bella: Oh, you're betting on how many guys will-

That's not right.

Rosalie: I know, but there is nothing better to do at a gym.

Bella: True.

Instructor: Hello everyone, I'm Josie.

How are you guys today?

_(No one answered)_

Josie: So it's that kind of class.

Rosalie: Just start the class already!

Josie: Okay.

_(Josie put on the song promiscuous)_

Bella: Ugh, I hate this song.

Rosalie: Me too.

Hey Josie change the song, it sucks.

Josie: Okay, how about this?

_(She put on stars are blind)_

Everyone in the room: What is wrong with you?

Josie: What?

Rosalie: Okay that's it, I'm teaching this class.

_(Rosalie got her ipod out and hooked it up to the stereo and put the song icky thump)_

Rosalie: How about this, now let's do some jumping jacks to warm up.

**Back with Edward and his punching bag.**

Random guy: Hey pretty boy, you been hogging the bag for too long.

Edward: Seriously?

R.G: What?

Edward: You do know that there is another bag right there.

R.G.: So I want that bag.

Edward: Okay, I'll use that bag.

_(Edward started punching the other bag.)_

Edward: Do you need something?

R.G.: I want that bag.

Edward: But you have that bag.

R.G.: But I want that bag.

Edward: Okay, fine have it.

_(Esme appears)_

Esme: What is going on?

Edward: This man keeps wanting my punching bag.

R.G.: Well hello there pretty lady.

I'm Dan.

Esme: Esme.

Are you picking on my son?

Dan: This is your son?

Esme: Yes.

Dan: Well, I did not see that coming.

Esme: Please don't provoke my son.

Edward: Oh you shouldn't have said that.

Dan: Provoke him?

Esme: I see what you mean.

Dan: That little rodent.

Edward: Don't kill him, don't kill him.

Esme: Look, Dan is it?

I think you should punch the bag you have and leave my son alone.

_(Carlisle appears)_

Carlisle: What is going on?

Esme: This man is picking on Edward, and hitting on me.

Carlisle: Alright.

Sir please abstain from hitting on my wife and picking on my son.

Dan: You're his father?

Carlisle: Yes.

Dan: How old were you two when you had him?

Carlisle: Adopted parents.

Dan: That's the only way that makes sense.

_(Rosalie and Bella appear)_

Rosalie: What's going on?

Dan: Well hello there.

Bella: That makes seven.

Rosalie: I'm so beating Emmett this time.

Dan: What's your name?

Rosalie: Sorry hun, I'm married.

Dan: To him?

Rosalie: No, he's my brother.

Dan: To him?

Rosalie: No, that's my father.

Dan: Man, you got good looking kids.

_(Emmett and Jasper appear holding hands)_

Emmett: That was as fun as the last time.

Wasn't it Jazzy poo?

Jasper: Stop calling me that.

Rosalie: There is my husband now.

Dan: That guy?

Rosalie: Oh he's just pretending to be gay for a bet.

Speaking of, how many?

Emmett: Nine guys hit on me.

Rosalie: Seriously?

Emmett: Yeah.

How many hit on you?

Rosalie: Oh about that.

Bella: Seven.

Emmett: Score!

Jasper: I beat all of you; I got fifteen guys and twelve girls.

_(Alice who just appeared clears her throat)_

Jasper: Oh hi Alice.

Alice: You are a very bad boy, Jasper.

Jasper: I know.

Dan: Who are you?

Carlisle: They are my other children.

Dan: You aren't by any chance Canadian, are you?

Carlisle: No.

Dan: Sorry man, I'll go.

Edward: Bye.

Bella: Well that wasn't weird.

Rosalie: Not at all.

**Just so you know I mean no offence to Canadians, Dan is just a rasist and an idiot.**

**Okay, until next time, I hope you liked it.**

**Please review.**


	3. look at her butt!

**The Gym membership: Look at her butt!**

Alice: Why are we here again?

Bella: This is so stupid.

Rosalie: Esme!

Esme: Carlisle!

Carlisle: It'll be fun.

_(The girls give him a dirty look)_

Carlisle: Don't give me that look.

Edward: Bella, will you come with me to punch the bag?

Bella: Um, sure.

Emmett: Jasperkins, let's go to yoga.

Jasper: No, and stop calling me that.

Emmett: But Jasperkins!

Jasper: I mean it Emmett.

Emmett: Please Jasper.

Jasper: Fine, but you're the girl this time.

Emmett: I really don't think people will buy that.

Jasper: Emmett.

Emmett: Fine.

_(Rosalie rolls her eyes)_

Alice: Bye lovebirds.

Jasper: Stop enjoying this.

Alice: Can't.

**They went to yoga.**

Wendy: Jasper, Emmett, how you guys today?

Emmett: Excellent, soul sista.

Jasper: Fine.

Wendy: I'm happy for you. Are you still pretending to be gay?

Jasper: Unfortunately yes.

Wendy: Cool beans.

Emmett: Frozen beans.

Wendy: Definitely.

Jasper: What are you talking about?

Wendy: The zone man, nirvana.

Emmett: He's so not there yet.

Wendy: Right.

Jasper: Okay then.

**Now with Alice and Rosalie.**

Alice: What do you want to do?

Rosalie: I don't know.

Alice: Want to steal people ipod's and make fun of their music?

Rosalie: Sure.

**Edward and Bella.**

Edward: Is there anybody coming?

Bella: No, Edward. Will you stop being such a baby.

Edward: If another big bully comes, I don't think I will be able to control myself.

Bella: Whatever.

**Esme and Carlisle.**

Esme: I don't think a kickboxing class is a good idea.

Carlisle: You're right, how about a cardio class?

Esme: Okay.

**Alice and Rosalie.**

Random teenage girl: Oh. My. God.

Look at her butt, it is sooo big.

Some other bitchy teen: I know, right.

Alice: Excuse me. But are you making fun of people's butt's?

RT: Yeah.

Rosalie: Can we join you.

_(Random girl looks at other teenage girl)_

RT: Okay.

I'm Alison, by the way.

Alice: Really, I'm Alice.

Alison: Ohmygod, were like twins!

Alice: I know!

BT: I'm Alexa.

Rosalie: Hi, I'm Rosalie.

_(Alexa was on her sidekick texting like it was no tomorrow)_

Alexa: Narley.

Rosalie: Look at hers it's so round.

Alison: I know, right.

**Emmett and Jasper come in.**

Jasper: Hey Alice.

Alice: Oh hi Jazz.

_(Alison stars at Jasper with awe and Alexa drops her sidekick)_

Alison and Alexa: Hi.

Jasper: Hi.

_(Alice gets a vision of Jasper and Emmett flexing at the bitchy teens)_

Alice: Jasper, Emmet these are our new friends: Alison and Alexa.

Jasper and Emmett: Hi.

Alice: Girls, Jasper is Rosalie's brother and Emmett is his life partner.

_(The teens looked disappointed)_

_(Jasper looks confused)_

**Edward and Bella. **

Bella: There is no one coming Edward, gosh.

_(Big brawny guy comes around)_

BBG: Hey sweet thang

Bella: There is this guy hitting on me.

Edward: What!?

BBG: Hey girlie, why don't you leave this punk and come with me for a while?

Bella: No. thanks though.

_(Edward growls)_

Bella: Down boy.

**Emmett, Jasper, Rosalie, Alice, Alison and Alexa show up.**

Emmett: What's going on here, little bro?

_(Alice's vision comes true, but Emmett and Jasper are flexing for BBG)_

Alice: Ohhh.

Edward: Nice Alice.

BBG: Hey, I don't want any trouble man.

Jasper: Then I recommend you go to your weight class.

BBG: Okay, bye.

Emmett: The power of intimidation.

**Okay that's all for now.**

**P.S. Alison and Alexa are based on real people who I can't stand.**


	4. Dawg

**The Gym membership: The dawgs**

Alice: Yay!

Rosalie: Were going to the gym!

Carlisle: I'm glad you girls are finally starting to enjoy this.

Bella: They just want to make fun of girls butt's with their new friends.

Esme: New friends? Oh you mean that girl who couldn't keep her hands off her sidekick thingy.

Alice: And my new bff Alison.

Bella: I thought I was your new bff.

Alice: You're my bff.

Rosalie: I thought I was your bff.

Alice: You're my old bff.

Emmett: I thought I was your old bff.

Alice: You're my older bff.

Jasper: I thought I was your older bff.

Alice: You're my oldest bff.

Edward: I thought I was your oldest bff.

Alice: YOU'RE ALL MY BFF'S, JUST SHUT UP ABOUT IT ALREADY!!!

**They arrived at the gym.**

Alison: Ohmygod Alice, hi!

Alice: Hey Alison.

_(They did the European cheek kiss thing)_

Rosalie: Hey Alexa.

Alexa: Hey right.

Edward: Let's go before we get really dumb.

_(Bella nodded)_

**They went to cardio class**

Edward: Is this the class that Rosalie taught?

Bella: Yup.

_Josie the last aerobics instructor comes in._

Josie: Oh no, what are you doing here?

Bella: Err, Taking an aerobics class?

Josie: Did the blonde come with you?

Bella: No.

Josie: Fine.

Edward: What's her problem?

Bella: Your sister took over her class.

Edward: I know but still.

Josie: You're the brother of the blonde?

Edward: Uh yes.

Josie: I hate you; give me ten minutes of jumping jacks in the corner.

_(Edward shrugs and goes to the corner)_

Edward: What you're not going to attach a pretty boy to that.

Josie: Why would I?

_(Edward points to himself up and down)_

Josie: Sorry but I don't find you attractive.

Edward: Liar!

_(Edward concentrates on reading her mind and hears nothing good about him)_

Edward: How dare you.

Bella: What?

Edward: She thinks I'm- I'm ugly.

Bella: How dare she.

Josie: Why are you taking it so personally?

Edward: Cause.

Josie: I have a boyfriend I only have eyes for him.

Bella: How sweet.

Edward: Bella please.

Josie: Gosh, I love my boyfriend and don't find any other guy attractive, big deal.

_(At that moment Paul walks in)_

Josie: In fact here he is now.

Paul: Leach! What are you doing here?!

Bella: Oh well that changes everything.

Edward: Why?

Bella: Imprint.

Edward: Oh thank the lord.

We can get on with the class now.

Josie: Jumping jacks.

Edward: Right.

Paul: I'm telling.

Edward: Do your worst.

_(Paul leaves)_

**Alice, Rosalie and the other girls.**

Alexa: Look at hers, it's so round.

Alison: I know.

Rosalie: Look at hers, it's so small.

Alice: And what is wrong with small butts?

Rosalie: Nothing, it's just an observation.

Alice: It better be. Small butt girls unite!

Random crowd: ASI!!

Rosalie: That was random.

Alice: What's wrong with random?

Rosalie: Nothing. Why are you so defensive?

Alice: What's wrong with being defensive?!

Rosalie: Okay crazy I'm leaving.

Alice: What's wrong with being crazy?!

**Emmett and Jasper.**

Wendy: Hey my brothers from three different mothers.

Jasper: Hi Wendy, bye Wendy.

Emmett: Ignore him, how are you?

Wendy: In sheer perfection.

Emmett: Okay, I'm going to join Jasperkins now.

**Carlisle and Esme.**

Carlisle: You don't want to be here do you?

Esme: No Carlisle I love it here, I just complain and beg you not to bring me for kicks.

Carlisle: Really? To think I thought you hated it here.

Esme: I was being-

Carlisle: Oh thank you!

_(Carlisle hugs Esme)_

Esme: I love you too Carlisle, a little too much.


	5. ITS BROKEN

**The Gym membership: IT'S BROKEN!!**

**A/N: Sorry it took me so long to update this fic, I ran out of ideas. But don't worry I've been going to the gym recently and I have a whole truckload of stuff to use.**

**I hope you enjoy the chapter.**

The Cullen's at the gym.

Rosalie: Alice, where are Alexa and Alison?

_(Alice has vision)_

Alice: Their not coming.

Rosalie: Then why did we come?

Carlisle: To have fun.

Rosalie and Alice: Whatever.

Edward: Alice, do you want to run for no reason on the treadmills?

Alice: Okay.

**They go to the treadmills**

_(A lady comes off her treadmill and Edward stops on)_

Alice: This should be fun.

Edward: Sure.

_(Alice steps on hers)_

Alice: Damn, mine is broken, oh well I'll use the stair climber.

Edward: Okay.

_(They start "exorcizing")_

Edward: Ooh look, I've burned ten calories.

Alice: Sure you have.

Edward: You know what I mean.

_(A woman goes on the broken treadmill)_

Edward: It's broken.

Random woman: Darn, the only treadmill left.

Edward: Want to break out the ipods?

Alice: Sure.

_(Their ipods magically appear)_

Edward: Do you have an exorcize playlist?

Alice: Indeed I do.

Edward: Me too, what do you have on yours?

Alice: Oh you know, linkin park, Muse, Van Halen, JET,

A little kanye, a little Justin Timberlake, some Amy Whinehouse, you know stuff to sweat too.

What do you have?

Edward: UHH, the same.

Alice: Really, than how come I just a vision of you listening to Britney Spears, Aqua and Mika.

Edward: I won't tell if you won't.

Alice: Done.

_(Another random lady goes to the treamil0_

Alice and Edward: It's broken.

**Now with Bella and Rosalie.**

Bella: I'm going to do the stair climber.

Rosalie: I'm going to stretch on that mat over there.

Bella: You're really flexible, aren't you?

Rosalie: I should join cirque du soliel.

Bella: Have fun.

_(Bella starts the stair climber and she notices a buff guy air guitaring)_

Bella: Okay then.

**10 minutes later**

Bella: Can't breathe, must stop.

_(Bella looks to the guy next to her ands sees he's stopped air drumming)_

Bella: I hate you.

_(he doesn't hear her because he's to absorbed in his ipod air drumming)_

Bella: I'm going to do weights.

**10 minutes later**

Bella: Mother Mary that was harsh.

Rosalie: It could not have been that bad.

Bella: Oh but it was.

_(Bella notices that mister air guitar is now air guitaring with ease on the stair climber)_

Bella: That guy has to be a vampire.

_(Rosalie looks to see who she's talking about)_

Rosalie: Who? Mister Air guitar?

Bella: Yeah, him.

Rosalie: No he's not.

Bella: I hate him, he's evil.

Rosalie: No he's just in shape.

Bella: Whatever.


	6. Badass Bella

**Badass Bella**

Esme: Are we ready for girl's day?

All: Yes.

Esme: Jasper, Emmett, why are you here it's girls day?

Emmett: But we're pretending to be gay.

Alice: That still makes you a man, idiot.

Emmett: Don't call me idiot, shrimp.

Alice: Don't you call me shrimp; I will cut you vamp-boy.

Esme: Enough! Let's go, if the boys want to come that's fine.

**They went to the gym.**

Bella: I wonder if mister air-guitar is here.

Rosalie: Do you like him or something?

Bella: What? No, I love Edward, remember?

Rosalie: So? You can still love Edward and find guys hot.

Bella: I can't, I love Edward too much.

Rosalie: Co-dependent much?

Bella: I'm going to do weights.

**Bella goes to an arm weight thingy.**

Bella: One...two...three...four...

**Two guys show up and sit on another weight thingy.**

Guy one: Dude, this is going to be so easy.

Guy two: I know man.

Bella: Ten...eleven...twelve...

Guy one: One...oh dude that was harsh.

**He picks up his phone and starts texting.**

Bella: Hey pansy and pony boy, go and to kiddy machine and come here when you get a spine.

**Everyone looks at Bella.**

Bella: What? Like you weren't thinking it?

**Now with Alice and Rosalie on the rowing machine, Rosalie is decked out in Emmett's sweat pants and Carlisle's t-shirt**

**Alice is in a cute velour jump suit.**

Alice: Rose, I never thought I'd say this to you, but you look like a man.

Rosalie: Whatever, I want to be taken seriously when I go bench press.

Alice: Rightto.

**A girl with blonde hair that is long to the waist and perfectly styled, tight black pants a push up bra and a baby tee comes to matt and starts doing pathetic push up.**

Rosalie: Alice, can I kill her?

**Alice looks at the girl.**

Alice: Why, jealous she looks better than you?

Rosalie: Even like this, I look great, so there.

Alice: No, you can't kill her.

Rosalie: Damn it!

**Now with Emmett and Jasper.**

Emmett: Dumpling did you see what Bella did?

Jasper: Yeah I did, she's gone badass.

And don't call me dumpling.

Emmett: Want to partner up and do sit ups using a medicine ball?

Jasper: Sure.

Emmett: Sure what?

Jasper: Sure, cupcake.


	7. the trainer

**The gym membership: The trainer**

Bella: Hi, I'm Bella.

Trainer: Hi, I'm Rogerson so you'll be personally trained today.

Bella: Uh huh, yeah so is there anything you need to know?

Rogerson: Do you have any medical conditions or disabilities?

Bella: Does clumsiness count?

**Rogerson gave her a very blank look.**

Bella: No, I don't have any of that.

Rogerson: Great, let's get started.

**They went to the weights room.**

Rogerson: Please do two sets of eight on the leg presser.

Bella: Okay.

**10 minutes later.**

Rogerson: Just one more set.

Bella: But I've already done sixteen.

Rogerson: Don't whine, you want to get in shape don't you?

Bella: Yeah. Sure. Whatever.

**20 minutes later on the bench press.**

Rogerson: Just one more set.

Bella: I can't.

Rogerson: Yes you can, now do it.

Bella: I can't.

Rogerson: Suck back those tears and do it!

**Bella froze for a second and then started sobbing.**



Guy from before: Who's the badass now?

Bella: Shut up! I will cut you, mouth breather!

**The guy coward and left.**

Rogerson: Okay, how about this: if you finish this set I will dance and lip sync to wannabe, how about that?

Bella: Do it with my friends Emmett and Jasper and you've got a deal.

Rogerson: Done.

**They shook on it.**

**One hour later.**


	8. wannabe

**Okay so this was supposed to be part of the previous chapter but my computer didn't save ths part and I thought it did when I uploaded it, bu I got a review saying they wanted to know what happened so here. I'm so sorry.**

**The gym membership: Wannabe**

Rogerson: Yo, I'll tell you what I want, what I really really want, 

Emmett: So tell me what you want, what you really really want, 

Rogerson: I'll tell you what I want, what I really really want, 

Emmett: So tell me what you want, what you really really want

Jasper: I wanna, I wanna, I wanna, I wanna, I wanna really  
really really wanna zigazig ha.

**They resumed singing and dancing.**

Edward: That is so wrong.

Bella: Worth it.

Alice: Oh yeah.


	9. Emmett kissed a girl and liked it!

**I know super sorry I haven't been updating my fancfics, please don't abandon me!**

**I'm almost done with my vacation across mexico and will be able to update more.**

**The gym membership: Emmett kissed a girl and liked it!!**

Edward: I want to do some yoga.

Emmett: Okay, do you want to pretend were life partner's?

_(Edward looks at Emmett blankly)_

Edward: Why not?

**They go to yoga.**

Jasper: Did he just-?

Alice: He totally dumped you.

Jasper: This really should not hurt as much as it does.

Alice: It's okay, I still love you.

Jasper: I love you too. Want to go scare people with your tiny body and super strength?

Alice: Hells yeah I do.

**They went.**

**Now with Bella and rogerson her trainer.**

Rogerson: Five more, Bella.

**Bella does five more push ups.**

Rogerson: Very good, Bella.

Bella: I'm awesome.

Rogerson: Well I wouldn't say that.

Bella: Shut up, I'm mtivating myself.

Rogerson: Sorry.

**Edward and Emmett.**

Wendy: You dumped the Jas man?

Emmett: Yup, he was very uncooperative.

Edward: Wait were not-

Emmett: Shut up, Edward.

Edward: Okay then.

**Jasper and Alice.**

Jasper: I can't get over it, he just dumped me.

_(Alice hits a punching bag barely an sends it flying)_

Alice: I know, but there is nothing you can do.

Jasper: I could get revenge.

_(Something both strange and scary awoke inside Alice)_

Alice: Are you thinking what I'm thinking?

Jasper: I kissed a girl and I liked it...

Alice: The taste of hr cherry chapstick...

Jasper: I kissed a girl just to try it...

Alice: Hope my boyfriend don't mind it.

Jasper: What are we doing?

Alice: I'm not sure but it's fun.

Jasper: Miya hee

Alice: Miya hoo

Jasper: Miya haha

Seriously, what are we doing?

I want to get my revenge on Emmett.

Alice: I'm bringing sexy back.

Jasper: Damn it Alice!

Them other boys don't know how to act.

**This went on a long time.**

Alice: I want to break free!

Jasper: I want to break free from your lies  
You're so self satisfied I don't need you  
I've want to break free  
God knows, God knows I want to break free

Gym worker person: I'm going to have to ask you to stop that and actually exersize or leave.

Alice: You want to take this to the parking lot?

Jasper: Absofreakinglutley.


	10. One uping

**The gym membership: One uping**

Jasper: We really must get our revenge on Emmett.

Alice: Your revenge you mean. I'm just helping because I have the pathological need to annoy people.

_(Alice evilly grins)_

Jasper: Right, okay. What do you want to do?

Alice: How about we take the couples yoga class and one up them on our incredible yoga skills. Plus humiliate Emmett on how you dumped him for a girl.

Jasper: Sounds excellent. One thing though, I'm not good at yoga. I mean sure I'm graceful but I don't have the mind power or flexibility.

Alice: Oh that's fine. I do.

Jasper: You do?

Alice: Honey, what I did last night was not normal. I know I'm no Rosalie that can dislocate her shoulders while doing a backbend. But I can manage.

Jasper: Right… that thing you did yesterday.

_(Jasper remembers what he and Alice did yesterday)_

_(Alice hits him)_

Alice: Not the time, maybe later. We have to do some one uping.

Jasper: Can we do one thing first?

Alice: Sure.

Jasper: Awesome. You start.

Alice: Now I ain't sayin' she a gold digger.

Jasper: But she ain't messin' with no broke.

Alice: That, that, that, that don't kill me can only make me stronger.

Jasper: You better hurry up now, 'cause I can't wait much longer.

Alice: They try to make me go to rehab but I say-



Jasper: No, no, no.

Alice: Okay, enough. Let's do this thing.


End file.
